[OOM] Cold Compromise

[thesecondjade]

Once he was through the wood, trees gave way to thick bamboo stalks, and then to the coolness of Cloud Recesses. It was the ideal return, honestly; he could quickly strip and soak himself to regain his control. With the freezing waters keeping him from feeling hot shame breathing against his neck, he can find calm. It's hard to focus on literally anything except one's body when one is chest deep in icy waters.

It was only after he had forced himself into a state of calm that he felt like he was fully back in control. Wei Ying knew now: that was ultimately meanginessly. Lan Zhan never expected him to ever look his way. What would he do? Be the qidi to Lan Zhan's qixiong? Foolishness. Wei Ying asked for his friendship with one hand and spurned it with another. There was something deeply wrong with him, besides.

Something that Lan Zhan cannot mend. Hopelessness settles in his belly like ice, but it's hard to care when the rest of him is already so very cold.

Eventually, he dried himself off and dressed, picking his way up the hill a bit to seat himself among the rabbits.

"Have a word with Tu'er Shen, and ask him to spare me some kindness," he said to one rabbit, stroking it's ears. "Make Wei Ying forget me, and let my heart go."

The rabbit just nibbled on grass from his hand, and both sat in silence as the sun chased the western horizon.

Comments

[reachforblueskies]

Lan Xichen wants to reassure his brother that he would support him, no matter what. Wants his brother to know that whatever else may happen, there will be no argument between them.

But he is shackled. He is responsible now for the lives of all the Gusu Lan, and he has already seen his clan decimated. He never wants to face a moment again where he is told to take the most precious books of the clan and run, to leave the rest behind so the clan could be renewed, perhaps, at a later time.

"Why must we be at odds?" He asks, and cannot help how plaintive he sounds. "Surely there is a path to bringing all to agreement."

[thesecondjade]

Muscles in Lan Zhan's neck jump tight, as he struggles for a moment with what he means, what he wants, what he fears. It's all so tangled now, with so many lives.

"I let him go," he says. "At Qiongqi Path. They were grandmothers, grandfathers, uncles. Two teenage girl younger than I. A child no more than four. Where is the justice in hunting them down? In making them targets? How many articles of the Gusu Lan does that violate? The right thing was to let them go. But it breaks the rules of inter-clan conduct! When they are in conflict, what then?"

Lan Zhan's voice has risen -- not to a shout, that'd be yet another rule -- but enough that the tension makes it crack. He has no good answers for this.

"Article 476: Preserve the wisdom and lives of the elderly. Article 906: Protect those who cannot protect themselves. Article 1439: Honor your promises, keep your oaths," Lan Zhan says, and the bunnies scatter from his feet as he rises. "What rule do I break to obey uncle? What rule must be laid aside when the Jin come to the Burial Mounds? I swore with him-- we would protect the weak without regret. How can I do that now?"

[reachforblueskies]

Lan Xichen's expression tightens - this account of the Wen contingent that left with Wei Wuxian is markedly different from what is told by the Jin. While he does not doubt his brother, must he then doubt his sworn brothers? At some point, they must have been told a lie.

"Consider, if they had been brought to Golden Carp Tower that night. Then all would have seen what you have reported, and we may be in a different place now." He notes, gently.

[thesecondjade]

"So Jin Guangshan could demand the exchange of the Stygian Tiger Amulet, leverage the Wen lives against Wei Wuxian?" Lan Zhan says, voice sapped of all warmth. He is so weary of the double-talk of politics.

Still, he is being heard. Maybe he can do something here. "Lan-xiongzhang, you cannot think that they adhere to same principles we do. Their words are not 'be righteous', they are 'illuminate the world with vermillion light.' All Jin Guangshan desires is to shine the brightest."

[reachforblueskies]

"So all could see the truth, rather than setting the word of one against the word of a clan." Lan Xichen corrects, some of Lan Qiren's sternness slipping into his voice. "And surely you must agree, that amulet is doing Wei Wuxian harm - it would be best for him to be separated from it before it corrupts him entirely."

He hopes an appeal to Wei Wuxian's health will help sway Lan Wangji, if nothing else will. Some of the little bunnies seek shelter from the ongoing argument under his robes, their little noses soft against his legs.

"Gusu Lan is not yet strong enough to fight the Lanling Jin, but we may sway them to the more noble path if logic, instead of might, is used."

[thesecondjade]

Lan Zhan is very quiet, head bowed for a time.

"Lan-ziongzhang, what if... what if he can't be separated from the Stygian Tiger Seal?" he asks, still refusing to look at his brother. "Wei Wuxian has never clung to things. Jiang 'live free' and he does so more than anyone. I think... I think he can't pick up the sword again. Chenqing isn't a preference, it's a crutch."

He took a very deep breath, and then said: "I think something has gone wrong with his Cultivation."

[reachforblueskies]

"Then it is even more important to bring him to a place he can be helped, rather than having to stand on his own at the Burial Mounds." Lan Xichen argues, his expression echoing his brother's worry.

"Didn't you want to bring him here?"

[thesecondjade]

"If he wished to come, he would be here," Lan Zhan says, even more quietly then before. "He-- he refuses. I cannot simply make him come to Cloud Recesses."

Then he really will be his father's son.

[reachforblueskies]

"Yunmeng Jiang has disowned him, Lanling Jin considers him a criminal, and Qinghe Nie has shown no interest in bringing him into their fold. You must convince him, Wangji - if he is ill, he will need the aid."

There is an underlying warning to his argument - if Wei Wuxian has not been accepted by Lan Clan prior to everything coming to a head, if there isn't some proof that he is returning to the fold, there will be very little any one person can do.

[thesecondjade]

"I will not force someone I love against their will," Lan Zhan says, eyes flat and a drone. There is no feeling, just the shut down of someone who hurts too much to let himself feel anything else past this moment. His heart his heavy for it. "He will not come. He does not listen. He fears losing himself to the ferrule and the whip. If uncle will make me kneel for seeing him, is that an unreasonable fear?"

He turned, back gone rigid, and bowed. "I will leave first."

Then he headed for the path, hand a fight fist at his back, the other tight on Bichen's sheath.

[reachforblueskies]

Lan Xichen sighs. He wants to call after his brother, hug him as he hasn't since they were both children, ease that line of heartbreak.

But his shackles tug, and instead he watches Lan Wangji walk away, to face his demons alone.