[OOM] One Month of Longing Begins

[thesecondjade]

With Yi City and Tan Zhou now behind them, Lan Zhan and Wei Ying had returned to Cloud Recesses and the Jingshi. Some layout changes had to be made to fit a second bed, but it could be done. Wei Ying snuck out regularly, and though Lan Zhan worried, he could not be upset. This was a hard time for them both.

Yi City had showed them both what they had been, and what they had lost in sharp relief: when Song Lan had left with the shattered soul of his cultivation partner tucked into his robe and Frostwork strapped to his back, Lan Zhan could not help but see himself. The walking dead, carrying the weight of two men on his back.

I will bear it, he had said -- of grief, of punishment, of all the things between. He'd meant it, too. Song Lan would never rest, and unlike him, never hope to see his beloved again.

Wei Ying had been acting strangely since Tan Zhou, though, and Lan Zhan thought it best to give him space to sort some things out for himself. He wasn't sure what had happened in Tan Zhou, but he was both lighter hearted and troubled in turns. Perhaps Lan Xichen had given him a great deal to think about, or perhaps the Curse marks have bothered him further. Time kept ticking onward, and neither of them could slow or stem its tide.

While Wei Ying was out again, Lan Zhan found himself an afternoon among the rabbits, stroking soft ears as he made sure the scraps from the Lan kitchens made it to the spot outside their burrow. As they munched on ribs of bok choy and radish greens, he tried to find his own island of calm among them, putting thoughts of Song Lan aside and simply trying to find a meditative space in this daily ritual.

Comments

[reachforblueskies]

Over a decade of having to deal with sect politics keeps him from rubbing his face. He understands why Lan Zhan is so reluctant.

That doesn't mean it isn't immensely frustrating. He's watched Wei Wuxian follow Lan Zhan around like a lost duckling, all big eyes and quick smiles. This is not the fearsome Yiling Patriarch, calling up an army of the dead to take his vengeance. This is not an uninterested man, taking what help he can get to survive. They could be happy. Is it such a crime to want his brother to be happy?

"And you will speak to him... when you've both gone grey?"

[thesecondjade]

"I will speak to him when the time is right," Lan Zhan says, still petting the rabbit in his arms. "Not before. Once he has lived past this mess he is entangled with, we can look to a future. Whether he comes to Gusu or not... will, as always, be his choice."

The discussion has drained Lan Zhan of hiss calm and good humor, graying him now. He would love to grab hold of that happy ending. But happiness and safety have been ripped from his hands time and time again. His fear is sensible, his reluctance reasonable.

Even now, over a decade later, his heart still hurts, the scars still pull uncomfortably, and he wonders if immortality if actually a goal he should strive for.

[reachforblueskies]

... Well. This can only end in heartbreak.

Lan Xichen would press his point further, but he doesn't actually want to fight his brother. He's only just started rebuilding something like the relationship they had before Wei Wuxian died, and he doesn't want to lose that. Doesn't want his brother to lose this safe harbor, when these two hapless men manage to miscommunicate their way into separation again.

It'd be funny, if it wasn't tragic, how the two best minds of their generation fail to understand each other.

"As you will." He concedes, "But please have a care for your happiness as well, Wangji."

[thesecondjade]

Lan Zhan musters up his wan smile and nods. "I will, brother."

It's as kind and intimate as he can get, and as honest. He'll care about it. Whether he'll act on that remains to be seen, but... he'll at least think about it.